Women in Afghanistan

Afghanistan Blog | 31st March 2008

War Child's Security Manager shares her thoughts on the situation facing women in Afghanistan today.

I have been based in Afghanistan for over a month now. There is so much that is amazing about Afghan society. The concept of the extended family is strong here and people are so open and generous, inviting you into their homes, feeding you until you burst, trying to feed you some more and sending you on your way with a handful of fruit and entreaties to come back soon. People are poor, they struggle, and yet they would share their last piece of bread with you. It is touching and humbling and makes me think that “me me me” western society could learn a lot from Afghanistan.

However one of the things I have come to appreciate about my own society in the time I have been here is the freedom I have at home in London. It is only now, living in an environment where the security situation is such that I must keep a low profile and rely on our drivers to take me everywhere, that I see clearly the freedom I have at home. The freedom to go for coffee, to a gallery or even just for a walk to the end of my street.

Even more than that, it is the comparative freedom I have as a woman in our society. I have never just stopped and been grateful for the fact I am live in a society where I am allowed to have a job and have the freedom to choose where I go and what I do.

I know a woman here in Afghanistan who was in an abusive marriage. Eventually the beatings became too frequent and too brutal and she paid for a divorce, a practice frowned upon and shameful in this society. Her husband stipulated in the conditions of the divorce that she not remarry for at least 10 years. If she did he would take their children away from her. He, on the other hand, remarried almost immediately. This women works in a menial job 5 days a week taking home barely enough money for herself and her children to live on in the face of the rising cost of living in Afghanistan.

I know another woman, married at 12 and in a similarly abusive relationship. When she sought a divorce she was forced to pay her husband $10,000 to be able to retain custody of their children. This in a society where you are doing extremely well if you take home a monthly income of $500. This woman has raised her children alone with no support. She has a successful career in spite of the difficult conditions in which she finds herself.

The fact that these two women are able to work at all is something of a triumph under the circumstances. Most women in Afghanistan stay at home, looking after their children and their extended families, never having the chance of even a high school education.

However there are other inspiring stories to be found here. A young Afghan woman I know has set up her own NGO in order to advocate for the rights of women, engage them in political life and educate them. Another woman I know is applying (with her husband’s permission) for a teacher exchange that will enable her to lecture in the US for 8 months. She will have to leave her husband and two children behind in order to do this. But she will do this to grow professionally and bring those skills back to Afghanistan, saying that it is up to the younger generation to stay and build their country. This is a sentiment echoed in all of the people in their 20s and 30s whom I have met. They love Afghanistan, they are proud and ambitious and want to make it a better place. So maybe there is some hope for the future here.

But many women do not have the education, family connections or money to be trailblazers. The economic and social development of Afghanistan and equality between men and women cannot happen when half of the population has a voice so weak you strain to hear it. Women need to be educated to be able to claim their right to participate in public life, whether that is studying, getting a job or being able to make an informed choice about who they want to vote for in elections.

Change like this will take a generation or more, but with political will, commitment and (importantly) the direct involvement of men in the process it can happen. For the future of Afghanistan I hope it will.